Moms Mabley

The first time I saw Moms Mabley I was 15 on a date. She was the opening act for The Temptations at Madison Square Garden.

It was also in the middle of the famous 1968 New York City garbage strike. We were sitting on the top level at The Garden, and Moms walked on stage to a thunderous cheer. Then she told this joke:

"I have the solution for this damned garbage strike. I want all you brothers and sisters out there to go to the hardware store and buy some white spray paint. Then go spray all your garbage white. When you've done that let me know and I'll call Governor Rockefeller and tell him to get all this white trash outta here".

Less than I year later, I am working at the David Frost Show. A group of us are outside the studio, and a brand new Rolls Royce pulls up. Out comes most elegantly lady I had ever seen. She was wearing a full length mink coat and a very large diamond ring with a pearl necklace. I had no idea who she was. At 16, I was still a few beers short of a six pack. At first, I assumed she was going to Sardi's, but she turned and walked into the studio.

My assignment that night was the dressing rooms and make-up. I was to escort the stars to their positions on stage. I loved that part of my job, because I got to hang out with two incredible women, Franny Barbero and Bobbi Armstrong. Franny was the wardrobe mistress and Bobbi was the make-up artist. There are some really interesting stories to tell about them, but we'll save that for another time.

Anyway, I go into the dressing rooms; and there is Franny, Bobbi and the woman who drove up in the Rolls Royce. They're all old friends and just talking away. They sat down to play cards. They introduced me to "Jackie" Moms Mabley. The expression on my face was: 'no way, impossible...can't be. I just stood there and watched as these three old show biz friends played cards and enjoyed each other's company.

She told them about the Rolls, which was a gift from Tom Jones. I just could not believe that this elegant woman with the jewels, fur and Rolls Royce was Moms Mabley.

Franny gave her the 30 minute warning, and she went to her dressing room. The elegant lady with the fur coat, diamonds and pearls emegred a few minutes later.

She was transformed...and there was Moms Mabley standing right before my eyes. She took out her dentures, took off the rings and was sitting there in her housecoat and slippers while Bobbi did her make-up.

She went on stage and had the audience in the palm of her hand. I don't think David knew what to do, but he tried his best to interview her. It was obvious who was in control of the audience that night.

The world needs more performers like Moms Mabley.

Dinner at Spago

This is a true story about a PR stunt for the movie Girls Just Want to Have Fun that seemed more like a fire drill than anything else.

And I was driving the fire truck.


New World Pictures was a ‘mini-major’ with very high visibility in the industry. A great team led by Harry Sloan (who is now running MGM), Larry Kuppin and Bob Rehme bought it from Roger Corman two years before. The studio was releasing 20 films a year. The TV group had projects with HBO and the networks, and we had just started a Home Video Division. It was a busy place.

We were putting together the final PR and promotion plan for the ‘soon to be’ cult classic, Girls Just Want To Have Fun, when Tony Angelotti and I were called to Co-Chairman Bob Rehme’s office.

Bob was at Spago for dinner the night before and noticed that there was construction across the street on Sunset. He looked at Tony and me and said, “Guys, we should try to get a banner for Girls Just Want to Have Fun on that new building…everybody at Spago will see it”. We nodded our heads in agreement, because you just never said no to Bob.

Spago was ‘the’ place in Hollywood. And it sounded like a good idea. We left the office and Tony looked at me, and with a twinkle in his eyes said, “Now what?” Roger Armstrong from our PR agency had the bad luck to be in the office for a meeting.

How do you get a banner on a building that is under construction? Money. We certainly didn't want to go back to Bob and tell him that it was too expensive...so we brainstormed and came up with what we thought would be a less expensive solution.

A big balloon with the logo on the side… like a baby Goodyear blimp. Roger was on it, and found the balloon. And we cut a check. He got the permission from the building owner. And we cut a check. Roger worked out the details with the construction company. And we cut a check. He went out to the site and worked out the logistics with the foreman. And we cut a check.

We were set, and naturally over budget. We called Bob and told him the good news (but we left out the budget part). He was happy. Roger called from the building. He had good news and bad news. The balloon is up, but no one can see it because there are no lights on the building, and by 6 pm it’s dark.

Oy! We make an executive decision, and rent a big Kleig light. Roger rents three parking spaces, and we park it in the Tower Records parking lot across the street and shine it on the balloon. More checks to cut.

Perfect… now the Hollywood ‘A’ list at Spago can see Girls Just Want To Have Fun while they enjoy their goat cheese pizza and wine.

Well, almost. Spago was right on Sunset Boulevard… in the heart of the ‘Sunset Strip. To the south lay the Los Angeles basin with its incredible views of lights stretching to the Pacific Ocean. But to the North, were the Hollywood Hills.

And that was the problem. As soon as the spotlight went on, the shots started. Some of the more 'colorful' sharpshooters of the Hollywood Hills were using the Girls Just Want to Have Fun balloon for target practice.

After three days and nights of trying to patch and repatch that damned balloon we had all enough and took it down.

And if that wasn't enough. Bob never went to Spago.

The Count is in Town.

Unless you’ve spent way too much time watching Sesame Street, The Count can only be one person.

Count Basie.

He was in a class by himself, and I was fortunate enough to work with him twice in my career. The second time was for a benefit in Los Angeles a few months after our first daughter, Rachel was born. We were in a Lamaze class and our coach, Sandra Jaffe asked me to help put a benefit together. The Count Basie Orchestra played at our fundraiser and it was a great success.

But one of my favorite stories happened a few years before that, when I was working as a production assistant for Sammy Davis Jr. on his talk show Sammy and Company. There are some great stories from those days, which I will recount at a later date. For now, let’s me tell you what happened when I met Count Basie.

It was the morning of what was certainly going to be an amazing day. Mr. D and his team had booked an all star list of some of the greats in jazz music to appear together on his show. There was Joe Williams, Dizzy Gillespie, Sarah Vaughn, and Count Basie.

My job was to pick up ‘The Count’ at the airport. Now, before you get ahead of yourself, I picked him up without mishap. With his pick-up information in hand, I headed out to the National Airlines Terminal at LAX to meet his flight from Miami.

It was a hot day in LA, and I was dressed in my usual attire, jeans and a t shirt. I was 23 and that was about the extent of my wardrobe. I parked the car and went to the gate to meet The Count and his group.

The plane was on time and we managed to get the luggage and everyone into the station wagon without a hassle. The Count decided to ride shotgun as I started back to the studio.

He was quiet for a few minutes. Then he looked at me and said; ‘How’s the weather?”

“Hot” I said. And with that came a line that only Count Basie could deliver.

“Well, it’s cool now”, he said. “The Count is in Town!”

Gene Kelly Danced!

All she said was "I want Gene Kelly to Dance".

I had just booked Gene Kelly at two mall appearances, and that along was tough enough. Dance? I don't think so. Besides, dancing wasn't part of the deal.

He had already approved the schedule and signed the contract. His first appearance would be at the newly opened Omni Center in Atlanta (now the CNN Center), and then by private jet for the opening of the Greenville Mall. And he was making more than we had paid anyone else.

The chances of Gene Kelly agreeing to dance on a portable stage in the middle of a shopping center in Greenville South Carolina, was hard to imagine. Really hard to imagine.

But, I picked up the phone and called, Mort Viner who was Gene's agent. We got along well, and I told him what my client wanted. He laughed for 5 minutes. And then, as only a good agent did, he stopped laughing and said..."He'll do it for an additional $100,000 + plus expenses".

Now, I was between a the proverbial rock and hard place. I called her back and gave her the 'good news'. I told her what 'dancing' involved, knowing full well that Mort didn't expect to negotiate...or for me to even come back with a counter offer.

Then I the asked her what she really wanted. "I just wanted to see him dance a little", she said.

Ok, that's different. I had a plan.

The first appearance at the Omni Center was a big hit. They got great local coverage, and the place was mobbed. He did advance phoners (although he did call the papers collect), and was every bit the professional that I knew he would be.

His next appearance in Greenville went off exactly as we planned.

I told them to place the entrance to the 'stage' as far upstage right as possible, and then place the microphone as far downstage left as possible. He would have to walk the full diagonal of the stage, some 50 feet. The instant his foot was on the stage, play the soundtrack from Singing in the Rain.

I was banking on the fact that it would be hard for a dancer to just 'walk' 50 feet on stage in front of an audience.

As soon as he was on stage, it happened. Gene Kelly danced.

Rusty Citron, Come on Down!

There are a few people who really made an impact on my career. Johnny Olson was one, but not in the way you might think.

Johnny Olson is best known as the 'voice' of The Price is Right. For years, millions of people heard him tell winners and losers to 'Come on Down'! I don't know who came up with the slogan, but he made it famous.

This story starts on Lincoln's Birthday in 1967. I took the train to NY and went to NBC. I had been down to the studios before many times. I think I took the NBC Tour about 5 times. For me, it was a magical place. They were setting up for a full day of taping of The Match Game. That was the first time I heard and met Johnny Olson.

In order to keep the audience happy, Johnny would come from backstage and would play the game with members of the studio audience. He had a stack of crisp new $5 bills to give away every time someone raised their hand with the correct answer.

A concrete brink couldn't have kept me in my seat. Johnny would ask a question, and I would jump up. By the end of the day, I was a rich kid...with three crisp new $5 bills in my hot little hands.

I walked back to Penn Station to catch the train home. I was crossing Broadway in front of Ripley's Clothes on 44th Street, and there was a kid giving away free tickets for The Merv Griffin Show. I noticed that he didn't seem to be much older than I was. Another free television show. Yes!

After the show, went to the box office, and asked for a job application. They asked if I was 16. I lied and said yes. I took that application and went home. My head was spinning. Could I possibly get a job in NY working as a page on a TV show? It didn't seem possible.

I worked for weeks on the letter and filing out the job application and finally sent it in. It was over a year later when the call came to my house. I was at school, but my sister was home sick and took the message.

And that's how I got my first real job, as a page on The David Frost Show....but that's not the end of the story.

Fast forward 15 years. I have my own entertainment agency in Hollywood. One of my biggest clients was Melvin Simon, the shopping center developer. We were working on some new campaigns and I had an idea. What about 'Come on Down'. It was perfect, and they said yes.

The next day, I met Johnny Olson for lunch in Hollywood at the Cock and Bull on Sunset. He agreed to the campaign, and then we talked for hours. I told him the story about how me got me started and what a fantastic experience that was for a kid of 15.

We had a great time, and Johnny honored me by saying (in his on air voice), Rusty Citron...Come On down!

Sardi's

I was 17 when I got a house account at Sardi's.

Working next door to one of the most famous restaurants in the world certainly had its benefits. I was making $3.15 an hour. It was one the best jobs in my career. …and I have some great stories about that famous restaurant.

Tony the Doorman

Tony was a big man... and the first person you would meet going in to Sardi's, and the last person when you left. He was the doorman. He had a long red coat with a ‘captain’s hat. In the winter, he put on ear muffs and gloves. I remember how cold he looked as he would stand outside for hours on end…opening the front door, and helping people into and out of the endless line of cabs that lined 44th Street.

One evening between shows, I was hanging out in the lobby talking with my best friend Art Rosalin. He was the audio engineer on the show (who would be the best man at my wedding 8 years later). It was a very cold night, and we started talking about Tony.

He was standing there in the freezing cold. His cheeks were beet red, and he when he wasn’t working the cabs he would wait just under the canopy to escape the blowing wind.

I felt sorry for Tony.

Art looked at me and said; “Don’t be a putz, look at how mich money he's making.” So I watched. A cab would pull up, and he’d get the door, and then he’d get a tip. Get into the cab, Tip. Get out of the cab, Tip. Open the Door, Tip. It all happened so fast that I was missing it. It was like watching a brilliantly choreographed dance of dollars.

One day in March, Tony didn't show up for work. I went inside and asked Martin, who was Vincent’s Maître Di, where Tony was. Oh, he said, “He’s on his three week vacation to Sicily”.

I didn’t feel sorry for Tony anymore.


My Mother's Stuffed Cabbage.

My mother made great stuffed cabbage. And when she made stuffed cabbage it was cause for celebration in our house. One day she wrapped some up for me to take to work for dinner. I was very happy. No tuna sandwich that night, no sir Some good home cooking. But there was a problem. I didn’t have a way to heat it up, and you certainly can't eat stuffed cabbage cold.

So I walked next door with my dinner wrapped up in foil, and asked Martin if he could heat it up in the kitchen. About ten minutes later, he is walking through the restaurant with the aroma of my mother’s stuffed cabbage filling the air. Vincent smelled it and he asked if he could have a taste…a small price to pay for heating my dinner. It was a hit. He wanted the recipie so he could put it on the menu!

I went home that night with the good news. I had visions of my mother’s stuffed cabbage on the menu of the most famous restaurant on Broadway.

I don’t know why she said no…but I never brought dinner to work again after that.


Meeting Joseph Papp

On Broadway there were only a few people that were really important. Among that elite group was Joseph Papp. If you don’t know about Joseph Papp, then I suggest you click here and learn more about him. It's a better story if you know who he was. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joseph_Papp

Marty Grupp was one of the musicians in the Billy Taylor Orchestra, and the musical contractor for the show. I think he was also the musician’s shop steward. That made him an important person. And I was beginning to learn about important people.

Even though I was ‘technically’ too young (17) to be hanging out at the bar at Sardis I went with Marty Grupp, so it really didn’t matter. The bar was packed as usual.

We were sitting at a table and Marty asked me, “Kid, who do you think is the most important person at the bar?” I wasn’t sure who was even there, so I got up and walked over to the bar and started looking. I started to eliminate people. That guy wasn’t wearing a tie, another looked nervous. I started to look at their cufflinks, shoes, watches and suits. How can you tell if someone is important by how they dress?

You know how this is going to end, right? It’s easy now, but I was clueless then.

I went back to the table, and picked out the guy who I thought looked ‘important’. Marty started to chuckle. We got up and walked over to the middle of the bar. He pointed out a guy off in the corner, all by himself. I didn't even see him at first. He was a rumpled looking man with this far away look in his eyes. He wearing a shirt, jeans and was absorbed in reading the newspaper. Marty said, "Rusty, that’s the most important guy here. And he knows it and that's all that matters. He doesn’t need to impress anyone. Come on, I’ll introduce you".

And that’s how I met Joseph Papp.

The Fat Man's Prayer

The David Frost Show was very popular. We won the Emmy Award in 1970. Incredible artists, politicians and personalities from Andy Warhol, Spiro Agnew and Noel Coward to Tiny Tim and Howard Cosell appeared on the stage at The Little Theatre.

And we used to get mountains of mail asking for autographs and photos along with the usual amount of hate mail or praise. Every once and a while there would be a surge in requests for copies of something seen or produced on the show.

The most requested item was from the appearance of Victor Buono on March 11, 1970.

Now, for those of you who don't know or may not remember Victor Buono; he was a very large man. He had a commanding presence on stage and a powerful voice. His career ran the gamut from his Academy Award nomination for best supporting actor as Edwin Flagg in What Ever Happened to Baby Jane playing opposite Bette Davis and Joan Crawford to King Tut in the Batman TV series.

It was on that day that he recited one of the funniest poems I have ever heard. And with compliments to a great actor and poet, I give you:


The Fat Man's Prayer
by Victor Buono



Lord, my soul is ripped with riot,
Incited by my wicked diet.

We are what we eat, said a wise old man,
And Lord, if that's true, I'm a garbage can!
I want to rise on Judgment Day, that's plain,
But at my present weight, I'll need a crane!

So grant me strength that I may not fall
Into the clutches of cholesterol.
May my flesh with carrot curls be sated
That my soul may be polyunsaturated.

And show me the light that I may bear witness
To the President's Council on Physical Fitness.
At oleomargarine I'll never mutter,
For the road to hell is spread with butter.

And cake is cursed, and cream is awful,
And Satan is hiding in every waffle.
Mephistopheles lurks in provolone,
The devil is in each slice of bologna,
Beelzebub is a chocolate drop,
And Lucifer is a lollipop!

Give me this day my daily slice -
But cut it thin and toast it twice.
I beg upon my dimpled knees,
Deliver me from Jujubees.

And my when days of trial are done
And my war with malted milks is won,
Let me stand in the heavenly throng
In a shining robe - Size 37 Long!

I can do it, Lord, if you'll show to me
The virtues of lettuce and celery.
If you'll teach me the evils of mayonnaise,
The sinfulness of hollandaise

And pasta a la milanese
And potatoes a la lyonaise
And crisp fried chicken from the south!

Lord, if you love me, SHUT MY MOUTH!


Amen!